Not Another List! – Getting Back To Basics

Had a bit of a mixed day today – I keep jumping from feeling pretty happy to a little upset, although nothing major. I’ve been looking more into introductory articles for BDSM, ones aimed at couples and people wanting to approach their partners with their newfound interests. There doesn’t seem to be much at all for people who just don’t know where they stand, but I suppose it’s hard to be able to take too huge a stance without actually getting involved in some degree.

One interesting thing I found was another version of the kink list I did before, but covering some other aspects outside just the fetishes themselves, so I decided to give it a go – the rating system is as follows:

5 = This is something I REALLY like. Bring it on, baby!

4 = This is fun! Let’s go for it.

3= I’m not sure, kinda freaky, could be fun, let’s try it out.

2 = I’m not really into this, but if it excites my partner I’m GGG (good, giving, and game).

1 = Eh, I don’t think so.

0 = NO FREAKIN’ WAY.

? = I have NO idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I’m clueless.

* = fantasy only, stays in my head

So let’s give it a go! (If I put an X that a simple yes answer rather than using the rating scale).

Types of persona that turn you on

(X) Male

(X) Female

(5) People with accents –OMG, love accents!

Fetish Extra Credit

(1) Smoking

[4) Alcohol – Not during a scene though!

(3) Soft drugs (e.g. marijuana) – Same as alcohol

(0) Hard drugs

(5) Watching Porn

(2) – Erotic Dancing – Would feel soooooo self-conscious

(0) – Making Porn – Too easy for that stuff to get onto the internet

(1) – Menstruation – Might work around it but definitely not as a fetish

(0) – Vomit

(3) – Group Sex

Favourite body parts: As far as women are concerned I’m an ass girl myself 😀 Like guys’ chests and arms.

Turn offs – Excessive hair on either sex, too many piercings/tattoos (although I do like some). Bad manners too, can’t stand people who can’t even manage a please and thank you.

Clothing or accessories that turn you on

[ ] = on males ( ) = on me/females

[3] (4) – Leather

[0] (0) – Rubber – Set my teeth right on edge

[2] {4) – Latex/ PVC

[4] (5) – Sexy lingerie/underwear

[1] (5) – Corsets

[4] (5) – Satin, silk

[5] (4) – Uniforms – Definitely gotta love a guy in a suit!

[4] (4) – Clothing style – I do like it when people have their own specific style

[5] (4) – Denim jeans – Realllly don’t like trackies, I like my men in jeans in terms of casual wear J

[1] (4) –  Legwear (e.g fishnets, pantyhose)

[1] (5) – High heels

[3] (3) – Boots

Which of the following scenes would turn you on?

( ) = Done to me [ ] = I do to partner/applies to both (Assuming I’m the sub and my partner can be either male or female)

[5] Vanilla Romance (dinner by candlelight, movie dates, cuddling)

[3] Rough housing, wrestling

[4] (4) Massage

(1/2) Making love in a public place (not counting play parties)

(*) – In the woods and suddenly a stranger comes from behind and grabs me – Would NOT be fun in real life, unless you regard having a cardiac arrest as fun

(*) – Stranger walks into the bedroom and finds me playing with myself – more tempting if it’s someone I know and like, but what’s this randomner doing in my house?

(4) – Rough sex

(*) – Being raped – Again, no fun in real life

(1) – Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way (let’s assume public place doesn’t mean play parties or anything similar from here on out)

(0) – Being taken out with collar and leash

(3) – Being used by more than one dominant – Maybe temporarily, and definitely somebody we both knew and trusted with prior negotiation

(3) – Playing in combination with other couples

(3) – Ordered to please others – With prior negotiation and with certain limits etc.

(4) – Sitting/kneeling at my Dom’s feet – Long as I get to cuddle up a bit :3

(5) – Being tied up, caressed and loved – Sounds perfect

(5) – Tied up and (sexually) teased

(5) – Tied up in a comfortable position

(3/4) – Tied up in discomfort – Depends how much discomfort I suppose

(5) – Tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed

(3) – Tied up and whipped, flogged or caned – As long as it’s not too hard (although I may change my mind in the future!)

(1) – Restrained and left alone – Boring

(4) – Not being tied up, but verbally commanded to pose in certain positions

(4) – Tortured without being tied or cuffed – Again, nothing extreme

(2/3) – Verbally humiliated – Could probably stand very light-hearted stuff but nothing serious

[4] (4) – Breast worship

(4) – Breast/nipple torture – Once again, nothing too extreme though

(1) – Dragged by hair and into the bedroom – Ouch my scalp

(3) – Spanked because I’ve been a naughty girl

(0) – Face slapping

(3) – Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed

(0) – Used as slave in public, total slave, sold on slave market (legal?)

(4) – Used as (sexual) slave

(1) – Used as dog, pony or pet

(3/4) – Physical limits are tested and stretched – Obviously done with a lot of communication before hand

(2/3) – Mental limits are tested and stretched – Not very sure on this

(0) – Sign a contract – Seems pointless anyway, do these kinds of contracts have any legal standing anyway? Seems they couldn’t as slavery is in its actual form illegal

I enjoy the following psychodramas

[ ] = for me/both, ( ) = for my partner

(1/2) – Being silent or speaking only when spoken to – Wouldn’t really like not being able to communicate when I wanted to, holds little to no appeal for me

(5) – Dialogue in normal language

(2) – Dialogue in adapted language (‘Master’ and ‘slave’) – Don’t really like this very much, I don’t even like the use of titles in everyday life, unless it has some technical use (for example, it’s useful to know if someone’s a doctor) it just seems like something to boosts someone’s ego

(2/3) [3/4] – Swearing and filthy talk – Largely depends to what degree.

(3) – Reasonable rules – Kept in the bedroom

(1) – Unreasonable rules – Nope

(2/3) – Obey rules or else – Not if it’s an extreme punishment, but if it’s just something playful then fine

(0) – Begging – ABSOLUTE NO

(3) – Feeding – Not particularly bothered but could be fun to try

(4/5) – Persuaded rather than commanded – Prefer this approach

(1) – Military/jail type commands

(0) – Strict training

(3) – Subtle role play

(2) – Obvious and explicit role play – Would feel a bit silly myself

(1/2) – Make me feel cheap – To a certain degree, more playful, kind of comes with the territory of a lot of dirty talk

(1/2) – Make me feel used/owned

(0) – Make me feel guilty/useless

(2) – Objectify me

(5) – The dominant must have compassion

(0) – The Dom must have no compassion at all – I’ll show you the door

(0) – The Dom must only have compassion after the scene – Still no

Check any of the following that applies

[X] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene – to at least some degree

[X] I need to be sexually aroused when in a scene

[X] I like as many orgasms as I can get – who doesn’t? 😛

[  ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward

[X] An orgasm is a must to end the scene

[  ] Orgasms are not important, but nice

[  ] Orgasms are not important at all

[  ] I want to beg for an orgasm first

[  ] I want no sex during a scene

[X] I want/need sex during a scene – I think I can come to the conclusion that any scenes I partake in would be largely a sexual thing

[X] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched – Not entirely sure what this means though (just a sort of learning/improvement process?)

[  ] Sex should be used to relieve tension – It can just be some fun!

Safe words and signals

Check any of the following that applies

[X] The submissive discusses what he or she wants ahead of time

[  ] The dominant surprises the sub

[X] One or more safe words should be established

[X] All activity should stop immediately when the sub uses a safe word (like red in traffic lights) or signal

[X] When sub uses a safe word (like the yellow in traffic lights) or signal the dom should establish if scene can continue

[  ] A scene should go on up to the point where sub uses a safe word or signal – Not necessarily, I’d prefer it wouldn’t get to that point if possible actually

[  ] When the sub cries, the scene should stop – Hmm, depends, although probably most of the time

[X] The dom should be able to read body language

 

My love for making/filling-out lists knows no bounds.

I think that a lot more important points were brought up on this list than the previous, especially concerning a passionate Dom and whether sex is an important part of a scene (I think I’d only partake in a scene of a sexual nature, at least at this point. I’m not into D/s outside the bedroom). I don’t really think stopping at a safe word should be a point though – I think that should be a given. I also think aftercare should be a given, certainly if the Dom has any idea what they’re doing (surely even 24/7 Master/slave relationships have some form of this, or am I misinformed?). Many of the points here would definitely be useless between two people trying to find a Dom or sub for them, things like stopping a scene if someone begins to cry could be very important for some, whilst others wouldn’t consider it a factor in stopping at all.

There wasn’t too much that surprised me here like that the last list, although it did help to highlight some of the things that were really important to me. Establishing discoveries is just an important as finding new ones.

As well as this list I found a pretty useful safety guide that covered most basic aspects of BDSM. Not much to say about it but I would recommend it to any beginners – it’s clear, concise and covers most some things that you may have not thought about:

http://venusenvy.ca/Resources/SaferBDSM

A slower day compared to others, but still going at an easy pace.

 

Sites that helped me with this post:

http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/bondage-fetishes-fantasies/the-beautiful-kinds-ultimate-bdsm-fetish-kink-checklist/ – Where I found the check list. This site actually covers a lot of topics, BDSM or otherwise, so I’d recommend checking it out.

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About buhocurioso

I'm someone with little experience with sex or BDSM, however I would like to explore these areas and try to overcome any negative feelings I have towards them. I want to be comfortable with my own skin and also understand what different aspects in these areas mean to others.

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