My Updated Limits List
Looking back on my kink list I think I’ve been a little dishonest with myself, I’ve put things as my limits when really, under the right circumstances, I probably wouldn’t be too opposed to them. Then there’s also the category of ‘I wouldn’t like it, but if my partner did I’d do it for them.’ Thinking that I’ve gone back to see what I’d change around and why:
Breast Whipping – Off soft limits: I think I would like to try this; it’s just a case of feeling out the intensity I can manage. I can’t really say a definite ‘no’ because I’ve nothing similar to compare it to or go on.
Caning – Off soft limits: As above
Fantasy Abandonment – Off soft limits: Still seems boring to me but I don’t feel too strongly against it.
Hair Pulling – Off soft limits: Wouldn’t actually mind if it was more ‘grabbing’ than ‘pulling.’ Actually giving it a hard yank could really kill my scalp though.
High heel worship – Off soft limits: Don’t really feel strongly about it, so it seems daft to have it as a limit.
Over the knee spanking – Off soft limits: Still prefer other positions by far, but it does seem to be the one that allows the most contact between partners during the act though, so I might learn to like it more than others.
Punishment scene – Off soft limits: Discipline rather than punishment, can’t be for an actual offence or ‘training,’ just for fun or to help create the scene.
Pussy whipping – Off soft limits: Again, something I’d like to try, just need to be careful about the intensity.
Riding Crops – Off soft limits: Same again
Serving Other Doms Sexually – Off soft limits: Would actually like to try, would just need to negotiate it with my partner
Skinny Dipping – Off soft limits: I can’t kid myself; I have to try this before I die!
Speech Restrictions: Off soft limits: I’d want to see how it would make me feel. If it was done with the emphasis of me focusing on what’s happening rather than being something to make me feel submissive I might not mind it at all. I do prefer communication throughout a scene though.
Strait Jackets – Off soft limits: Still not too keen, but don’t dislike them enough for them to warrant a limit.
Swapping With Another Couple – Off soft limits: Again, certain things would need to be discussed first, but it could be fun. It would also have to last no longer than a scene and I’d want my partner to remain present throughout.
Gas masks – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: Still don’t like them but I think I could deal with them in certain situations.
Lectures – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: Still think they’re a bit daft, but if I really knew my partner very well I could probably learn to deal with them. Not bothered about them at all if they’re just done as play.
Modelling for Erotic Photos – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: Actually want to try this, but I have a long way to go before I feel comfortable enough in my skin to do it. I’d have to absolutely trust my partner not to let photos go anywhere I don’t want them to go.
Mouth Bits – Off hard or soft limits: I could be persuaded by the right partner I think. I prefer other types of gags.
Outside Scenes – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: Could be done if we found somewhere with enough privacy. It’d be more of a change of scenery than ‘OMG, we might get caught!’ I wouldn’t be able to relax if it was likely we’d be found.
Riding the ‘Horse’ – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: I gather from various sources that some are gentler than others. If it turns out I’m more into pain than I think I am I may be able to work up to this.
Religious scenes/rituals – Off hard or soft limits: Purely as role-play, I can deal.
Shaving – Off hard limits, now on soft limits: With someone who understood how sensitive my skin is, then I probably wouldn’t mind.
Standing in a Corner – Off hard and soft limits: Still seems completely pointless to me but I don’t actively dislike it. I could probably deal with it.
Supplying New Partner for My Dom – Off hard and soft limits: PURELY in a just-for-this-scene sense. More like suggesting a friend for a threesome kind-of thing.
Suspension – Off hard limits, onto soft limits: With a partner who understood my blood pressure issues I might like to try this.
Thumb Cuffs – Off hard limits, onto soft limits: Not sure on the idea, but might try.
Cross-dressing – Off hard and soft limits: Don’t mind female cross-dressing (as in a female wearing masculine clothing), but I still like my men to be typically manly!
BEGGING – Off hard limits, almost off soft limits: Really, REALLY depends on context. I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable with this or dirty talk, but it seems such a daft thing to feel uncomfortable with. And who knows, in the heat of the moment I might have a completely different view on it 😉
So quite a few things changed there. I think one of the main issues was being embarrassed about some of the things I might actually like to try. I find that imagining doing those things with a partner, someone you really knew and trusted, immediately makes them seem less scary. Imagining the acts in themselves may make them seem overwhelming, but adding a caring and in-control partner makes them much less threatening.
My limits list is now left as:
– Domination (by me)
– Cells/closets (basically closed-in spaces)
– Competitions with other Subs
– Enemas for Retention (almost took this off soft limits, but still really not sure).
– Eye contact restrictions
– Foot Worship
– Fantasy Rape
– Full Head Hoods
– Moderate Humiliation
– Orgasm Denial
– Animal Roles
– Bathroom Use Control
– Breath Play
– Anything involving bodily waste functions (outside enemas)
– Forced Exercise
– Face Slapping
– Flame Play
– Forced Eating
– Forced Smoking
– Rubber Gags
– Permanently Given Away to Another Dom
– Golden/Brown Showers
– Gun Play
– Heavy Humiliation
– Initiation Rites
– Knife Play
– Medical Scenes
– Public Exposure
– Permanent Marks/Scarification
– Sleep Deprivation
It still seems a really long list, and it can make you feel a bit inadequate when you look at other people’s lists and they’re about three points long. But this is what currently works for me. It may change in the future, but this is how it stands for now. There is a part of me that thinks I’d scare away a Dom with this huge list, but I think my list of things I will do is fairly long too – it may not even be an issue. I don’t necessarily want to seek out a Dom specifically, I could just as easily find someone I like in the vanilla world and see if they want to explore. At this point, who knows how it’ll work out in the end?
*Note – on my entry ‘Not Another List’ there’s more options. I’d just like to make things clear in that, unless I put a 0 it wasn’t an absolute no. 1’s can either be apathy or soft limits, depending on what it is.