Revisited: Pushing Limits
So I’ve decided that I’ve had enough of a break and I should get back to confronting all these negative feelings. I have to say that the majority has lessened quite a bit over the past days, I don’t know if that’s because I’m starting to see them differently or if it’s just from lack of exposure.
Anyway I decided to start with ‘pushing limits,’ as it’s one of my smaller problems.
I actually do feel very differently about pushing limits after reading around and getting other people’s opinions and listening to their experiences. There are still some situations where I’d feel very uncomfortable – for example pushing hard limits is an absolute no-no for me. However it seems that with a partner you trust and respect, pushing limits is a good way of exploring soft limits – allowing yourself to explore areas that you’re not so sure of. Usually these are things that you wouldn’t explore on your own, but your partner’s support and involvement can help push you towards them – hopefully so that you can experience something new and exciting. It may turn out that you don’t enjoy it at all after all, but at least you tried – and you may surprise yourself!
All this relies on the context of a reliable, honest and trustworthy partner. It helps if they’re well-versed in reading your body language so that they can set a safe pace. I don’t think it should just be assumed that one day your Dom can just begin pushing your limits; I think it’s something that should be discussed everytime, not just sprung on anyone – otherwise it could fall onto the side of non-consent.
For me personally I’d want to be able to constantly communicate, my partner could choose to act on what I told them or not, but I’d at least want them to be aware of exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I’m not someone who would like to work up to the safeword every session – ideally, it should never get to that point, so having a partner that’s in-tune with you is important. As with many things in BDSM, it all comes down to trust in the end. Without that trust, something that could potentially be very exciting becomes very frightening.
Although I found quite a bit of information on this it was scattered about all over the place, so no links I’m afraid!
EDIT: Due to a comment made by a reader I want to make it clear that I don’t believe in pushing hard limits – in my opinion this completely goes against the concept of having hard limits at all and I would be out the door if someone tried to push mine. However I’m aware that other people have varying views on this.