Finally dragged my arse to the GP on Thursday. We talked a bit and she gave me a questionnaire to fill out for Tuesday (only took two minutes so they already have it). She mentioned anti-depressants and suggested that I try counselling once they’d started to kick in. We discussed the usual mood things like eating healthily and getting exercise, which I try to do anyway (3 times a week at the gym at least, and I just try to keep active and on my feet during the day in general, although it’s been challenging recently as I’ve felt so exhausted). She also said that I should only do work for uni if it’s absolutely necessary – I think I’d rather try and keep up with my extra work though, otherwise I’ll just have a stressful period later where I’m trying to catch up with everything. Plus it keeps me busy so I’m not meandering about getting myself in an even gloomier mood.
Hopefully we’ll get stuff sorted on Tuesday, and then after that appointment, I can cheer myself up with a lecture on Leonardo Da Vinci that they’re holding at the university (Dundee is currently holding some of his drawings in one of its museums) – should be interesting. Also looking forward to hopefully getting to see Mary & Max and Dredd at the cinema – love the former and been wanting to see the latter for ages. I tried going out yesterday with my friends, but instead of cheering me up my mood just dropped a bit when I found myself not quite enjoying it as much as I usually would, so I came home early. Alcohol’s also out for the moment, but it’s not as though I drink much anyway so I doubt I’ll miss it all that much. Feel like I’m having to tiptoe around myself with everything all the time though
A completely off-topic entry today, but I read something today that really got my goat. I was on some forums which were discussing the subject of adoption, and there seemed to be some people (luckily a minority) who seemed to have got it into their heads that adoption was ONLY for people who couldn’t have biological children (infertile couples, gay couples, single parents, etc). Bullshit. There’s so many children out there that need adopting, and yet there’s people out there who would still try to force a couple to have biological children, even if they’ve decided that adopting is for them. Why? Are biological children superior to non-biological children? My background may have some standing in my opinion on this, after, in a family with so many divorces and new marriages (often adding vastly to my family tree :P) and indeed adoption (within my step-family) there’s no room for dividing biological from non-biological. It was never an issue to me, I don’t love my step-brothers less than my biological brother and sister, I don’t even distinguish, I call them my brothers, all the same (the only exception being that I don’t call my two step-mums ‘Mum,’ – my mother will always be the woman who raised me, and did a damn good job of it, regardless of her biological relationship to me). Hell, if you can only love blood-relations, then surely that argument would mean that husbands and wives/girlfriends and boyfriends (or various other combinations) cannot possibly love each other as much as their biological families as, after all, they’re not blood-related.
But even that skates over the issue that there’s so many children in need of loving families, and there’s people out there that would limit their chances of finding one. I think the line should be that for the most part, adoption is not about finding children for parents, but finding parents for children. Fantastic that a couple should get the child they desire, but this is more about finding a home for a child that needs it. How anyone can be against this is beyond me. Always nice to remind ourselves that people with this kind of idiocy remain in the minority, there may be hope for the human race yet :P.
Well my 20th birthday has been and gone, it was okay, but for some reason I just couldn’t get excited about it. I don’t know why, I just seem to feel really flat nowadays, like nothing at all’s really exciting anymore. I just don’t seem to feel like doing anything. I get into this ruts pretty often but it usually makes me feel a little better to get up and go do those things I can’t really be bothered doing, but even that’s not working anymore. Wondering if maybe now’s the time to go and see a doctor about it, I’m really worried (perhaps foolishly) that I’m going to go there and I’ll be told that there’s nothing really wrong and to just stop whining about it. I think there’s probably quite a few people who feel that way. Anyway, in an attempt to maybe prove to myself I’ve been scouring the internet for lists and symptoms and maybe some quizzes that’d give me some kind of indication of where I stand (nothing the same as going to the doctor and getting diagnosed I know, but it was just for a general idea, and I tried to only use reputable sites that dealt specifically with depression/mental health issues). Anyway these are some of the results I got:
Major Depression: High
Bipolar Disorder: Very High
Cyclothymia: Extremely High
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Very High
Postpartum Depression: N/A
(from Psych Central, also the Mayo Clinic test I believe)
You scored a total of 54
Based upon your responses to this depression quiz, you appear to be suffering from a severe depression. People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for a diagnosis of major depression and have sought professional treatment for this disorder.
Got to admit, both of those results are pretty worrying – things in there I hadn’t even considered. But of course, they are just online quizzes, need to see a doctor to see if there really is a problem. I really don’t know how to approach it though, and you also have to ring up for appointments and the receptionist always asks why you’re making the appointment and I don’t really want to tell her (being silly again but I really hate talking about that sort of thing over the phone).
It’s all a bit shit really.
I’ve been sooo busy moving into uni and settling in, so I haven’t had much time over here – promise to get back to writing soon though!
(Just so everyone knew I was still alive :P)