Introduction to My Blog – A Virgin’s Insight into Sex and BDSM

A Virgin’s Insight into Sex and BDSM – Introduction

CAUTION: This blog contains themes of a very adult nature. Please do not read if you feel that any of the following issues may cause you discomfort: sexual situations, BDSM, personal experiences.

Hi, this blog is about my story as I explore BDSM and sex in general. As someone who is inexperienced in either field I feel I can provide a different kind of insight for people who want to understand more about them, whilst I myself try to come to terms with the various aspects of either which make me uncomfortable. I have a lot of negative feelings regarding sex and BDSM, and I feel that with a bit of soul-searching I can at least lessen these feelings, or even turn them into something positive. The reason I’m making this blog is that I think reading about my experiences and thoughts on these topics; I’ll be able to help others in similar situations. It’s important to note that advice from people experienced in these areas is absolutely invaluable; as such I’ll try to post as many helpful links as I can. If there’s any particular questions you have, or certain areas that you may want me to look at feel free to e-mail me and I’ll do my best to help. I want this to be a free space for everyone to talk about their opinions and issues, regardless of age, race, sexual orientation or anything else (of course I cannot condone underage sex, but learning about the various elements involved and potential problems you may as an individual need to overcome is something that can only help a person who wants to later have a safe and enjoyable sex life). If you disagree with anything you see here, by all means feel free to say so – debate is healthy, but please no personal attacks, having a different opinion from someone is not the same as looking down on someone for having a different opinion. It’s essential that everyone feels able to air their opinions without worrying if they’ll be attacked.

In this blog I’ll be making several types of post. The first will be an explanation of why I started to explore BDSM – largely prompted by the best-selling book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ I’ll explain why this book made me feel very uneasy and how it motivated me to learn more about BDSM in order to find out if my worries were unfounded. I found that many issues I had with the book are things that wouldn’t be considered acceptable in any way by practitioners of BDSM, but as I ventured deeper I inevitably found other aspects of BDSM that made me uncomfortable – thus beginning my journey to make peace with my own feelings about all sex, including BDSM.

In the second type of post I’ll explain my views on various aspects of BDSM, what I found out, what I agreed with and what I wasn’t sure about. These posts could be on something as specific as the safety issues that need to be acknowledged in the use of gags, to something more broad, such as the intrinsic role of trust in all BDSM (and I’d like to think in all non-BDSM) relationships. If someone requests that I research a particular topic it will appear in this type of post. I’ll try to cover as much as I can, especially issues which I think aren’t very well-covered – such as how to deal with the various emotions that you may feel if your partner has discovered and conveyed to you an interest in BDSM in an otherwise vanilla relationship. I feel that there’s a lot of support for those coming out about their desires to participate in BDSM, but not as much advice for those who aren’t sure it’s for them when their partner expresses an interest.

If someone asks a direct question, I’ll treat it as an agony aunt situation with the question, answer and links to relevant information on others sites in the post (if you would prefer that I didn’t post your question then just mention it in your e-mail and I’ll simply e-mail you answer back without posting it). It will be treated as completely anonymous and I won’t laugh or be offended at any questions you send (unless it’s obvious that you’re just sending something to wind me up). Everyone has different thoughts, feelings and levels of experience with sex and you won’t be persecuted for them.

The last kind of post I’ll be writing will detail my personal feelings, thoughts and obstacles that I encounter. If you feel uncomfortable with reading personal stories or are sensitive to potentially distressing scenes you may want to exercise caution before reading these posts. If I feel a particular post will contain potentially upsetting content, I’ll put a trigger warning at the top of the post.

Discussion is encouraged on any type of post – feel free to offer your own opinions and advice. Remember to respect other people’s input and everyone will be able to take a lot from these discussions. While I did primarily start exploring BDSM for my own reasons, this blog is also intended to assist the readers – if you feel that I’ve been unfair or unreasonable in a post, then pull me up on it! It could be that I’m being too brash with my opinions to the point of coming across as offensive without realising I am. I do have a lot of mixed feelings regarding sex and BDSM – this blog is partly about my coming to terms with and understanding aspects of them that distress me or otherwise make me uncomfortable, so I may come across as very negative about some aspects. I believe that fear is founded in ignorance or lack of knowledge of that which you fear, so I am hopeful that my negative feelings will eventually be overcome and that I can help others in defeating their own demons.